7 Tips on Surviving an Italian Family ...

By Djamila

No one can tell you how to survive an Italian better than...an Italian herself! Thanks Djamila for the highly entertaining post!

Whether they're your in-laws, your neighbors or your own family, spending time with these lovely (and loud!) people can drive you crazy. Being born and raised in the Netherlands I've actually only just come to realize how much my Italian background affected me. For one thing I have been fed sarcasm my entire life, so please bare with me here. I know how loud and nosy and sometimes even obnoxious we can be, but I kind of always forgot that that's not really the 'standard' way of doing things in non Italian families. Below you'll find my seven tips on surviving an Italian family, with a hint of sarcasm.

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1

Bring Your Etiquette!

This one kind of goes without saying right? Well you would be surprised of how much gets categorized as rude. Entering the house without saying hello to everyone? Forget it. Leaving the house without saying goodbye? Even a bigger no-go. As a member of the family you're expected to say where you're going, what you'll be doing, with whom you'll be doing that, what time you plan on getting back and of course(!) whether you'll be home for dinner or not! For me this just became routine but I can imagine my friends can get a little overwhelmed by all the questions. You didn't think the family would hold back just because you brought company, did you? If anything they will also ask your friend tons of questions, bring up embarrassing stories about you and try to feed them like they're poor little orphans. Some other pointers: ask whether it's OK to keep your shoes on or not, when presented food try to accept at least once but never eat everything, never ever wear a hat or cap while eating at the table. My grandfather literally took a cap of a dinner guest his head and swung it out of the kitchen one time. Talk about etiquette grandpa..

UPD:

The Italian culture is known for its hospitality and etiquette. When visiting an Italian family, there are a few tips to keep in mind to ensure a successful visit.

First, bring your best etiquette. Greet everyone in the house when you arrive and be sure to say goodbye when you leave. Let the family know where you are going, who you are going with, and what time you plan on returning. If you are bringing a friend, be prepared for the family to ask your friend lots of questions and share embarrassing stories about you.

Second, ask if it is OK to keep your shoes on. It is considered rude to enter a home with your shoes on, so always ask before entering.

Third, when presented with food, try to accept at least one thing. This is a sign of respect and politeness.

Fourth, never wear a hat or cap while eating at the table. This is considered to be very rude and could result in your hat being taken off your head.

Fifth, always be gracious and polite. Thank everyone for any food or drinks that are offered to you and be sure to thank the family when you leave.

2

Food is Important, Really Important

What's one of the first things you think about when thinking about Italy? It's food isn't it? The idea of all those mouth watering pastas and pizzas will always be intertwined with the idea of Italy. And it's not just the food itself, which preferably is the best you can get, the company you're in while eating it is just as important. Food connects people. In my family it's almost unthinkable to have dinner by yourself, sitting on the couch, while watching television. Dinner time is family time. It's the time of day when we all come together and discuss our day, tell funny stories and have fierce discussions. And of course like 'real' Italians everyone interrupts each other, hands are making all kinds of wild gestures and non of this can be done in an ear-friendly volume. It's pretty overwhelming when you're used to a nice and quiet dinner. Vice versa I usually feel uncomfortable when I'm a dinner guest where everyone just sits and chews, it always reminds me of that scene in an animated cartoon where a rolling piece of paper is blown forward by the wind during an awkward silence. So when you're a dinner guest at an Italian home, expect lots of food, shortage is something we're unfamiliar with, mentally prepare for the noise, learn to say no or you will leave with unwanted weight gain, try to join in in the conversations and if you're looking to score some points bring a small gift and offer to help cleaning up. Buon appetito!

3

Try to Not Be Introvert

I understand this can be a challenge when you are an introvert by nature, but be warned, these people will prey on you like a group of hungry lionesses cornering a poor gazelle. So be prepared and have your witty comments ready! Of course no one intends to harm any feelings but it's just so darn easy to make fun of the quiet one in the group. I have seen this 'phenomenon' too many times in my own family and usually boyfriends and girlfriends are the victims. They want to know everything about them, joke around a lot and ask non serious questions just to see how the puzzled gazelle is going to respond. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking bad about Italians here, heck I even am one of the hungry lionesses myself most often. I'm just trying to help my fellow human being here ;) And like my mum always says: "Hey if I don't care about you I wouldn't even make the effort of trying to make fun of you, so see it as a compliment."

UPD:

Tip number three on surviving an Italian family is to try to not be introvert. Italians are known for their lively and boisterous personalities, and being introverted can make you an easy target for teasing. It is common for Italian family members to want to know everything about their introverted relatives, and to joke around with them to get them to open up. Even though the teasing may seem mean, it is usually meant as a compliment.

Italians are known for their hospitality and love of family. It is important to remember that when they tease or make jokes, it is usually their way of showing that they care. If you can manage to open up and join in the conversation, you will likely find that you are accepted and welcomed into the family.

It is also important to be prepared and have your witty remarks ready. Italians are known for their quick wit and sharp humor, so it is important to be able to match their banter. If you can show that you can keep up with their humor, you will be accepted into their circle and be seen as an equal.

4

Understand We're Proud People

Do not come into our homes and make fun of anything Italy related..only we are allowed to do so haha. On a serious note though, I've noticed especially in my grandfather that he is really proud to be Italian. Even though he married a Dutch woman over fifty years ago and has lived in the Netherlands since. As a former musician he traveled the world but nothing compares to Italy for him. The people are more welcoming, the weather is better, the music is better and of course only Italians know how to cook a decent meal. It gets worse: I remember being bullied when I was about ten years old and he said to me I should tell this kid: "Well at least I am Italian." Really? That was supposed to be my big come-back? Of course I never took his advice on that one for everyone out of my grandfather's reality would consider this to be a humorous but sad excuse for an insult. Oh and by the way, technically speaking I'm only 25% Italian, I'm just a Dutch girl with an Italian grandfather which resulted in an Italian up-bringing, so go figure nonno.

UPD:

Italian families are known for their passionate and proud nature. This is especially true when it comes to their cultural heritage. As a result, it is important to be aware of the customs and traditions when visiting an Italian family.

Italians are known for their love of food, so expect to be served a variety of dishes when you visit. Traditional Italian meals are usually centered around pasta, but there are also many other dishes that are popular. For example, pizza, risotto, and focaccia are all popular dishes.

When you visit an Italian family, it is important to be respectful of their culture and traditions. For instance, it is important to be aware that Italians are very proud people. As a result, it is important to not make fun of anything related to Italy. Additionally, it is important to be aware that Italians are very passionate about their music.

It is also important to be aware that Italians are very close-knit and value loyalty. As a result, it is important to be respectful of the family and its history. Additionally, it is important to be aware that Italian families are very welcoming and generous.

5

Know That Mum is Always Right..even when She's Not

This is absolutely the most annoying point on my list, but keep this in mind and spare yourself a whole lot of endless discussions. At some point during pregnancy there must be some kind of weird process going on that totally clouds the judgement of mum-to-be. As if Italian women weren't already interfering enough, once they become mothers they get worse. They need to know everything about everyone and they stick their big Italian noses everywhere. La madre always knows best...at least that's what she believes. The annoying thing is you can't stay mad at her for too long, she's such a loving, caring and hard working mother who will do anything for her children, and besides most of the time she is indeed right. But even when she's not, just agree and get it over with, otherwise you're up for a very long and very loud discussion you probably won't even win.

UPD:

Italian families are known to be incredibly close knit and their love and loyalty towards one another is unrivaled. This is especially true for the mother of the family, who is seen as the matriarch and the leader. While the love and care of an Italian mother is undeniable, it can also be quite overwhelming at times.

As the saying goes, “Mamma always knows best” and Italian mothers are no exception. They are known to be fiercely protective of their families and will go to great lengths to ensure their safety and wellbeing. This can often mean that they have strong opinions on how things should be done and can be quite opinionated.

It can be difficult to disagree with an Italian mother, especially when she is convinced she is right. It is important to remember that while she is usually right, there are times when she may not be. In these cases, it is best to agree with her and move on rather than engaging in a lengthy and heated argument.

Famous Quotes

To give oneself earnestly to the duties due to men, and, while respecting spiritual beings, to keep aloof from them, may be called wisdom.

Confucius
6

Have Some Me-time

I cannot stress enough how important this is. Even when you're not living with Italians, it's so important to just check out and have some me-time every once in a while. Personally I find this hard because I live with five other people including a toddler in a single story house. Trying to read a book can be a real challenge! Even waking up isn't nice and quiet around here, there's people chatting, bickering, laughing or singing, a toddler running around, dogs barking, and of course none of it in a quiet sort of way. They only have two volumes, loud and louder! So I carefully pick my moments, when junior is taking a nap, when everyone has gone to bed or the scarce moments when I'm home alone. I love to take a hot bath and just lay there enjoying the silence, or I read, take a nap, watch my favorite movie or whatever makes me feel good at that moment. Get creative with your time, and spend it just the way you want to.

7

Just Go with the Flow

In the end maybe the best advice is to just go with the flow... OK and maybe invest in ear plugs. Yes we're very loud, we stick our noses in everybody's business and we probably seem crazy at times with our hands wildly swinging around. But we're also very warm and welcoming, we're loyal and we know how to turn a house into a home. And if this seriously isn't your cup of tea, just enjoy dinner and be glad when you return to your quiet and peaceful house, knowing I envy you.

That concludes my mini survival guide! I hope you had fun reading it and maybe read some familiar things. What tips would you like to add? And remember, no matter where someone is from always treat them with the respect they deserve.

Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

If you are vegetarian or vegan, do not let it on.-

Pretty much sums it up!

Idk if I'm Italian, but I'm always right, even when I'm wrong, I'm right. :3 I do know I'm Spanish, so I could have some Italian descent there because my family could pass for Italians with their blonde hair and blue/green eyes. :3

And everything you said is "true" I thought Mexicans were loud, but Italians have us beat!!!

Thanks, I'll be marrying into a Italian family soon, and I'm full blooded Mexican

Great Tips! I'm going to follow these.

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